Just Looking For Him
by The Lady of Shadows
Summary: Years after Rodney died, John is still looking for him.


Title : Just Looking For Him

Sequel to If Only which can be found here: http/www.theladyofshadows.envy.nu/Ifonly.html

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Pairings:Mcshep

Rating: pg- pg-13

Warnings: Slight angst

Disclaimer: I own nothing! SGA belongs to its creators!

Author's Note: I was not planning on writing a sequel to If Only. Then after 7 years I listen to this particular album of Reba's. I listened to this song and was hit by a two-by-four in the face and thus this and many other stories were born. This particular fic was inspired by Reba's 'Just Looking For Him' from her 'What If Its You' album

Just Looking For Him

Sequel to If Only

Teyla watched John as he finished giving his report on their latest mission. She watched as he joked and talked with Elizabeth and the scientist who had joined the team for this mission. For everyone on Atlantis it seemed that John had finally recovered from Rodney's death on PRX-254. Teyla smiled sadly, only to those who didn't truly know him well thought that. In reality, John hadn't recovered for he was just looking for _him_.

She saw how John was always subtlety looking for Rodney in the mess, looking for him in the science labs or expecting him to show up around the next corner. She saw how every time someone wearing science team blue he would look up at them expecting to see him. Yes, John was just _looking_ for him.

John still flirted with anything with a pulse but it was obviously just a force of habit. He still did his job but it wasn't the same as when Rodney was here. She and Ronon were the only ones who saw the truth. The simple fact of the matter was that John's heart still yearned for Rodney and all he was really doing was just looking for him.

As they left the meeting, Dr. Bick trotted after John. She smiled brilliantly up at him, waving her hands to illustrate the point she was making. John smiled amiably at her as they walked down the corridor. Teyla watched as John once again searched the face of a person wearing science team blue as they passed by, just looking for him.

He flirted with Dr. Bick but his heart wasn't in it. He was looking for the spark that he and Rodney had. Teyla knew that it was all in vain. No matter how hard John tried to get over Rodney and find someone new, he just wasn't able to. She saw memories of Rodney flare in his eyes every time a new scientist joined their team, hoping for another Rodney. That spark of hope faded every time and John's heart broke even more. Try as they might, it seemed no one could reach John as Rodney did, no matter how hard they tried. Everyday he was just looking for him, his lost love.

Teyla smiled sadly as Dr. Bick's face fell as John said good-bye and walked away. Teyla just wished that everyone who wanted John would just keep their distance because all they were going to get was crushed hope. Elizabeth walked up behind Teyla, "I take it Dr. Bick won't become the fourth member of your team? I wish John would just choose someone."

Teyla and Ronon looked at her, pity in their eyes for the fact that Elizabeth could not see behind John's mask. "No scientist will become a permanent member of out team. Not until . . ."

"Until when?" Elizabeth asked in confusion.

"Until John stops looking," Ronon growled.

"Looking for what?" Elizabeth inquired plaintively.

"Looking for him," Ronon and Teyla whispered in unison.

"Huh?"

"Don't you notice it Elizabeth? How John looks at every passing scientist. How he searches the mess and the labs, looking for someone. John may look like he has recovered from Rodney's loss but he is still looking for him." Teyla sadly whispered to Elizabeth.

Days later, Elizabeth realized that Teyla was right. She saw members of the science team pass by John and he would quickly search their faces. She saw the pain that filled his eyes as he did not find who he was looking for. She saw him search the mess and the labs looking at everyone, just looking for _him_.

John wasn't truly with them anymore; his heart was with only one person. John was trying to fill his hollow heart but really, Elizabeth realized, all he was doing was just looking for him and he would do so until he died.


End file.
